As I write this piece the nation is preparing itself for the 2016 Federal election, which means our media is festooned with debates about health, education and tax reform. Way out west however there’s a far greater debate going on, one which has even managed to capture the attention of the notoriously disengaged youth sector. The topic of debate, who or what will open the new Perth stadium.
(thanks to Permacast)
The official website has the opening earmarked for 2018, however with 42% of the complex already completed there are rumours of an earlier finish. The stadium is deemed to be a ‘multi-purpose’ venue with a capacity of 60,000 and a ‘fans first’ approach.
Recently local radio station Nova 93.7 asked its listeners what they thought the opening act should be. The results have left me pondering about how far the stadium management would be prepared to go to meet its ‘multi-purpose’, ‘fans first’ stance. Would they really be prepared to follow some of the public’s suggestions?
I’m sure there’d be no problems with the front runner idea of an AFL game, particularly an Eagles versus Dockers Derby. Given that the official website has the opening scheduled for the start of the AFL season, perhaps this has already been secretly locked in.
Other front runners were an international cricket match between Australia and England, or a soccer match featuring the same teams. Just to be clear, no the listeners didn’t want to see the current Australian and English cricket teams playing soccer. For one thing we have no idea what anatomical deceits lie beneath their baggy white pants. Mind you if cricketers did don shorts, the females of the species might develop a greater interest in a game that goes on for four days, only to end in a draw.
Next came rugby, and a predictable Australia versus the All Blacks stoush to exercise the ongoing trans-Tasman rivalry. Alternatively, given the recent influx of Irish to the state, there was also a call for an Australia versus Ireland … well anything really.
Keeping in the sports genre, other suggestions were, softball and badminton, although there may be a limit on how many (shuttle) cocks can be let loose in any one place at one time. Table tennis was also mentioned; it is an Olympic sport after all. So too was polo, but with ponies instead of horses, which conjured up images of rainbow coloured ponies trotting around the oval, their pink fairy floss manes fanning out like spinnakers behind them. Meanwhile at the other extreme there was roller derby and the illusive Danny Green versus Anthony Mundine clash.
Several listeners suggested holding an event prior to the pitch being laid. Events that topped the list were Monster Trucks, Speedway, Xtreme Games and even a sand gouging rodeo.
Then there were more sedate suggestions such as chess, though I wasn’t sure if the listeners meant one giant game of chess, or an international tournament. Lawn bowls also cracked a mention, along with marbles, what a fantastic idea. Imagine the whole pitch littered with kids flicking their cats eye’, tonks and tom bowlers towards the ‘bunny holes’. Or maybe two teams of grown men testing their aim and concentration with oversized coloured glass balls and steely metal ball-bearings, the mind boggles.
Thoughts extended to Twister, which was inspired. Who wouldn’t want to see a football field full of end-on-end Twister games, or one giant game with chiropractors replacing referees on the sidelines. Failing that there was Tag Chasey which would keep the accountants happy considering the lack of equipment required. Sadly, no one mentioned an international Tiddlywinks tournament which personally, I consider a travesty.
Some thoughts about animal based attractions followed with greyhounds taking the lead. Others considered snail or turtle racing, maybe they’d been watching one too many home renovation shows, and become accustomed to the heart stopping affair of watching paint dry. To be fair though before you discard the idea completely, what about a snail versus turtle race hey, hey? And then there was Ferret Legging, what could possibly go wrong?
Let’s not forget Beer Pong which I can only assume is drinking a lot of amber fluid while playing a giant game of Pong (if you don’t know what that is you’re too young). Someone suggested synchronised swimming, an idea which surely came to them after one too many games of Beer Pong.
Only two people suggested a concert, showing our preference for sport and activity, which will please the Act-Belong-Commit Marketing Department no end.
Not surprisingly, given the radio stations audience, there was strong support for Quidditch (if you don’t know what that is you’re too old). This was the second highest suggestion especially with the inclusion of Daniel Radcliffe as a special guest.
One person suggested another 40 thousand seats, and another lingerie football … say no more.
The idea I liked the most was an event where the public could step onto the oval and join in a wide range of games, with all proceeds going to a children’s charity. I can see it now … teenagers on quidditch broomsticks hoovering over giant chess pieces, deliberating their next move. Xtreme motorbike riders looping the loop overhead and catching a stray tiddly, or is wink, from the tournament going on below them. A snail racing ahead of a turtle and achieving a personal best thanks to the two greyhounds sniffing at his shell. And wayward badminton shuttlecocks being caught in the teeth of rainbow polo ponies. Now that would truly hit the ‘multi-purpose’ tag and if it’s what the fans want then … well how can they not? Though perhaps it’s best to leave off the Beer Pong, Twister and ferrets, as in my eyes that combination could only end in disaster. Mind you it couldn’t be as bad as a certain AFL Grand Final featuring an overseas singer, could it?
Let the debate continue.